Confessions of a Divorce Lawyer: Managing Stress
Many people meet with a lawyer for the very first time when they are going through a separation and divorce. Meeting with a lawyer can be stressful. It’s difficult to know what to expect, although you know you will be asked about personal and emotional details that you may have a hard time discussing. You may not know what paperwork to bring, or how you should prepare.
The first thing to do is ask. When you book your appointment, ask if you need to bring anything, or whether you need to prepare for the meeting. Some lawyers will send you a client questionnaire or article about Collaborative Practice so you have a starting point. Other lawyers wait until after the first meeting to provide you with this type of homework and information. Asking what the lawyer’s practice is can help alleviate stress while helping your lawyer reach one of his or her goals - that you, as a new client, have a first meeting that is informative, reassuring and less stressful.
The second thing you can do is meditate. Meditation isn’t just for yogis and want to be Buddhas. Meditation is a tool. Think about meditation the way you think abut taking a walk to blow off steam, or going to the gym to help lower your blood pressure. The wonderful thing about meditation is that you can access it anytime, anywhere, for whatever amount of time you have. This can be in your car prior to your first meeting with your lawyer, while you are walking the dog, during a break when you and your ex are meeting, or when you are taking your morning shower.
Meditation is brain training. When you meditate, you are teaching your ever-active, chatty mind to allow thoughts to pass right through without judgment or analysis. By allowing your thoughts to come and go without being side-tracked by them, you will find momentary clearings where you have no thoughts. These are moments of stillness. This is what you are training your brain to find - those coveted moments of pause.
If you don’t have a lot of time, and you need to quiet the chatter, put your feet on the floor, close your eyes and imagine roots growing from your feet right to the centre of the earth to a huge boulder. Imagine the roots wrapping around the boulder and then shooting back up to your feet and then say “I am grounded”. This meditation is called “grounding” and it can take as little as 10 seconds. You don’t even have to close your eyes if you are with other people when you do it. Just visualize the roots and the boulder and say to yourself “I am grounded”. This tool is especially useful when you are anxious, nervous or when you are feeling scattered or shaky.
The other thing you can do is just breathe. How many times have we heard that before? There’s a reason. Conscious breathing reduces your heart rate and your anxiety and forces you to focus on your breath instead of your racing thoughts. Breathe in to the count of 3, hold for 3 counts, breathe out to the count of 3. That’s it. You can breathe like this for as long as you need to, focussing on the breath while letting thoughts pass through your brain without judgment or analysis.
Self-care is important every day. Self-care is even more important when you are going through stressful and emotional times.
At HD Collaborative Law, we take a holistic approach to you, your separation and your family. We want you to help you be at your best as you navigate through your divorce. Scroll all the way down to the bottom of our blog page for an audio file guided meditation called "Breathing Exercise" that you can listen to whenever you need to pause, reset and remember to breathe.